Am I Broken?

I must be broken.

That’s the only explanation. Unwanted by those supposed to love me most.

I must be defective. They must see something fundamentally wrong with me.

Relinquished by my birth family.

Left shortly before my wedding.

Good people don’t have this happen to them, do they?

I’m not really sure anymore. It seems like everyone is struggling with their own demons. It’s not a competition. We all face challenges.

I feel guilty for focusing so much on myself. My family and friends get mad at me for it. They try and make me see that I am important too.

I’m trying. I’m trying to prioritize myself instead of supporting those who hurt me.

It’s a battle.

My mind tells me I support others I will be better. My mind tells me that if I am better then I won’t be abandoned.

I know that’s irrational. If I had a friend thinking those things, I would tell them to focus on their own recovery. I’m trying, but I’m failing.

I must be better.

I must be wanted.