I can feel myself deteriorating. I am so tempted to just take the next steps and free myself of this insanity. Yes, I did manage to get writing done last night. I also stayed up until 3 AM fighting for my self worth and value.
I am exhausted. I can see so many ways out, but I can’t seem to take any of them.
I am so hurt. It’s all a big game. None of it is taken seriously by the perpetrator. How do I get myself out of this? I guess acknowledgement is the first step.
So what is today’s musing? I guess I’m trying to remind myself that I am not stuck and there is no shame in taking steps to better your health. I just have to find the courage to follow through. It’s terrifying. I have too much pride.
One plus? I’ve started standing up for myself at work. I have been defending my ideas more and using literature to back up my hypotheses. I do not always agree with my colleagues, but I no longer feel a need to just agree with what they are saying because I assume they are smarter than me.
I’m not even sure I have motivation to write tonight. Maybe it’ll be a Netflix and early to bed type of situation.
Until next time…