The depression was hitting hard today. I couldn’t make it out of bad. I almost cancelled my Chinese lesson. The only reason I didn’t was because it’s a virtual class.
I couldn’t do anything today. Barely had enough energy to write this. Couldn’t read. No appetite.
Last night, I was thrown out again. I make excuses for it. I keep myself in the cycle. I can’t get myself out. I’d rather be thrown out and hated over and over than to make a huge change in my life.
Every time he does it, it feels like a knife in my heart. He knows why it’s so triggering to me. He knows the words to say to set me over the edge. I don’t know how I can let someone do this to me. If I saw my friend going through this, I wouldn’t let it continue.
Tomorrow, I must get out of bed. I must get to work. I cannot let this win over me. I am not nothing.
Until next time…
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