Lately, I’ve been looking at my life and thinking,
Can this really be happening?
And no. Not in a good way.
I look at my life and laugh because I had a whole plan. Everything was going according to plan. Until it wasn’t. Until everything started to go wrong, and I couldn’t seem to make it stop.
I used to be someone who was in control of everything. Now, I have no control. I go where life takes me because I have no choice. I didn’t always just go where life took me. But every time I tried to get things to work, they’d go even worse than I thought they would. So, I stopped trying.
And you know what? Nothing has changed. Thing’s haven’t gotten better. Thing’s haven’t gotten worse. I stopped caring so much, so internally I feel better. I do what I want to do more. I stopped worrying so much about everyone else.
It feels selfish. It feels reckless. It’s definitely a sign of being low and depressed for me.
I seem to still being moving forward, though. I’m not moving backwards. I’m not exactly stagnant. And some movement is better than none.