I write a lot about this breakup and abandonment because I see it relate so directly to how I feel about adoption. The same words were used. I had no say in the matter. The same phrases of comfort are given to me. This is a very tangible moment I can process and write about. … More Dodged one bullet, got hit by another
When an adoptee has the floor, do not derail the conversation to prove how woke you are. My name is Lillian飞岗 Schmaltz, and this is my story. October 15, 1994, I was born in Nanning, Guangxi. Approximately 3 days later, I was found at the local police station and brought to the Nanning Social Welfare … More Becoming AdopteeLilly
I’m not here to provide loopholes. I’m not spending my time answering questions that are so obviously used to gain permission to continue unhealthy behavior. I am not an enabler. I will have genuine conversations with you that challenge your beliefs. I may play devil’s advocate to force you into considering unknown perspectives. I’ll call … More Adopted kids grow up to be (outspoken) adult adoptees.
** Disclaimer (that shouldn’t be necessary, but somehow is): These are my initial thoughts as I process the documentary. They are in no way reflective of every Chinese adoptee and can change as I work through more of my own story. ** Before I had started my advocacy work, I was aware that much of … More One Child Nation: One Chinese Adoptee’s Thoughts
Why are all of my posts directed at adoptive parents? My main goal is to support and advocate for the younger generation of adoptees. I’m not here to change your opinion on if you should adopt (though my posts will make you question the adoption system). There is a young generation of adoptees confused about … More Why I Focus on Adoptive Parents
When I look in the mirror, what do I see? The eyes that were the subject of so many taunts and jokes. No amount of makeup could make them larger and rounder. The hair that wouldn’t curl, laying limp against my face. A similar color to my adoptive father’s, leading kids to question if he … More When I Look in the Mirror
Something really gross happened this morning. In a comment, someone resorted to gaslighting and claimed my advocacy is the reason why no one is lining up to adopt from foster care–they’ll gladly wait years for that “blank-slate” newborn. I don’t have enough empathy. I’m too judgmental. For adopted people, there is almost always an element … More Gaslighting at its finest
Trigger Warning: Offensive language against Chinese people (used to describe a racist situation) People tell me to stop talking about race when I’m an adoptee advocate. They tell me to not talk about adoption when I’m discussion racism. What a beautiful privilege it would be if I could choose when to be what! Unfortunately, I … More My identity is not a mask I can take off when things get tough.
They called me “Gorilla”. They asked me if Donkey Kong was my father. They asked me if my forehead was so big because my brain got large from doing a lot of math. They asked me if I ate dog at home. The torments on the school bus were relentless. Finally, I refused to ride … More Are your terms of endearment actually racist?
An essay on secondary abandonment and valuing oneself. There they were. Those words that had dictated my entire life. I was so loved, I was abandoned. I was about to hit “order” on the invitation website. Save the dates had already been distributed. A wedding shower was thrown and the thank you cards were sent … More I love you so much I gave you up.