I write a lot about this breakup and abandonment because I see it relate so directly to how I feel about adoption. The same words were used. I had no say in the matter. The same phrases of comfort are given to me. This is a very tangible moment I can process and write about. … More Dodged one bullet, got hit by another
An essay on secondary abandonment and valuing oneself. There they were. Those words that had dictated my entire life. I was so loved, I was abandoned. I was about to hit “order” on the invitation website. Save the dates had already been distributed. A wedding shower was thrown and the thank you cards were sent … More I love you so much I gave you up.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything other than a book review. As my 25th birthday approaches and I reflect on what 24 brought me, I decided to take some time to acknowledge what’s been going on and what I’ve learned. As you probably know from my previous blog, I successfully passed my … More Thoughts as I approach 25…
Stability used to be the most important thing to her. She would sacrifice other areas of her life if it meant she didn’t have to deal with change. She was still doing that. Even after everything. She wasn’t happy in life, but being stable was more important than being happy. She was gaining strength. She … More Stability.
As you know, I went on vacation last weekend. Except it was definitely the type of vacation where you are more tired after you get back. Friday finally came and I was so happy to be able to have a relaxing weekend. I have spent my time reading (although I am not too thrilled about … More Finally a Restful Weekend
Lately, I’ve been looking at my life and thinking, Can this really be happening? And no. Not in a good way. I look at my life and laugh because I had a whole plan. Everything was going according to plan. Until it wasn’t. Until everything started to go wrong, and I couldn’t seem to make … More Go With The Flow
I thought I was leaving the rut. I thought everything was going to be left behind. I was moving forward. Silly me. Official Note from XXX City. That’s what the envelope said. I was stupid enough to think it was a parking ticket I was unaware of. Of course it wasn’t. It was a reminder … More Backtracking.
I’m tired of everyone expecting me to fix my life instantly. I’m tired of people forcing me to feel something I can’t. I can’t please anyone. They want me happy. They want me angry. They want me sad. If I am one, I can’t be the other. They make me feel selfish and foolish for … More What do you want from me.
So, what is self care exactly? When do you do it? Do you only allow for self care after you’ve gone through a period of extremely hard work? That’s what I used to do. I wouldn’t allow myself a break or period of treating myself unless I achieved a specific level of success. That was … More Reward or Necessity?
I feel like a fool. I was that typical engaged girl. Showing off my ring. Documenting every wedding planning step. Pretending to be shy whenever anyone asked me about my engagement, but really I wanted to never stop talking about it. I’m sure I annoyed everyone who followed me on social media. Don’t lie. We’ve … More I did nothing wrong.