Lately, I’ve been looking at my life and thinking, Can this really be happening? And no. Not in a good way. I look at my life and laugh because I had a whole plan. Everything was going according to plan. Until it wasn’t. Until everything started to go wrong, and I couldn’t seem to make … More Go With The Flow
I thought I was leaving the rut. I thought everything was going to be left behind. I was moving forward. Silly me. Official Note from XXX City. That’s what the envelope said. I was stupid enough to think it was a parking ticket I was unaware of. Of course it wasn’t. It was a reminder … More Backtracking.
I’m tired of everyone expecting me to fix my life instantly. I’m tired of people forcing me to feel something I can’t. I can’t please anyone. They want me happy. They want me angry. They want me sad. If I am one, I can’t be the other. They make me feel selfish and foolish for … More What do you want from me.
So, what is self care exactly? When do you do it? Do you only allow for self care after you’ve gone through a period of extremely hard work? That’s what I used to do. I wouldn’t allow myself a break or period of treating myself unless I achieved a specific level of success. That was … More Reward or Necessity?
I feel like a fool. I was that typical engaged girl. Showing off my ring. Documenting every wedding planning step. Pretending to be shy whenever anyone asked me about my engagement, but really I wanted to never stop talking about it. I’m sure I annoyed everyone who followed me on social media. Don’t lie. We’ve … More I did nothing wrong.
I admire my lightened hair in the mirror. Three inches cut off, and highlights so blonde they are almost silver. I love being able to do what I want with my hair. At one point, I even had maroon hair. My whole life, society told me I had to have black hair. It matched my … More More Like Myself
I had no clue if what I was doing was traditional. I didn’t really care. I was so excited at the first fitting for my wedding dress. I wasn’t wearing the store sample. I was wearing my dress. What did I do that might not be so traditional? I brought my dad along. He was … More Just a dress in a box.
The depression was hitting hard today. I couldn’t make it out of bad. I almost cancelled my Chinese lesson. The only reason I didn’t was because it’s a virtual class. I couldn’t do anything today. Barely had enough energy to write this. Couldn’t read. No appetite. Last night, I was thrown out again. I make … More New Lows…
Graduate school ends relationships. It’s a mentality that many hold. No, I haven’t searched for the statistics on how many relationships actually end because of graduate school. However, a quick google search will yield numerous articles and forums all along the lines of, “Did graduate school kill your relationship?” No, I’m not going into the … More I Didn’t Do Enough
And we are back to Monday. The depression was hitting hard today. I almost didn’t make it out of bed. There are days when all I want to do is sleep… days when I don’t see the point in getting up. I used to be really passionate about my life. I loved my life. I … More At what cost?