An essay on secondary abandonment and valuing oneself. There they were. Those words that had dictated my entire life. I was so loved, I was abandoned. I was about to hit “order” on the invitation website. Save the dates had already been distributed. A wedding shower was thrown and the thank you cards were sent … More I love you so much I gave you up.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything other than a book review. As my 25th birthday approaches and I reflect on what 24 brought me, I decided to take some time to acknowledge what’s been going on and what I’ve learned. As you probably know from my previous blog, I successfully passed my … More Thoughts as I approach 25…
Stability used to be the most important thing to her. She would sacrifice other areas of her life if it meant she didn’t have to deal with change. She was still doing that. Even after everything. She wasn’t happy in life, but being stable was more important than being happy. She was gaining strength. She … More Stability.
As you know, I went on vacation last weekend. Except it was definitely the type of vacation where you are more tired after you get back. Friday finally came and I was so happy to be able to have a relaxing weekend. I have spent my time reading (although I am not too thrilled about … More Finally a Restful Weekend
So, what is self care exactly? When do you do it? Do you only allow for self care after you’ve gone through a period of extremely hard work? That’s what I used to do. I wouldn’t allow myself a break or period of treating myself unless I achieved a specific level of success. That was … More Reward or Necessity?
I admire my lightened hair in the mirror. Three inches cut off, and highlights so blonde they are almost silver. I love being able to do what I want with my hair. At one point, I even had maroon hair. My whole life, society told me I had to have black hair. It matched my … More More Like Myself
I had no clue if what I was doing was traditional. I didn’t really care. I was so excited at the first fitting for my wedding dress. I wasn’t wearing the store sample. I was wearing my dress. What did I do that might not be so traditional? I brought my dad along. He was … More Just a dress in a box.
Another day, another fight. It was just like all of the others. They fought for hours. It went around in circles. She thought they had moved onto another topic, but suddenly they were back at the beginning. The fights always ended the same too. They would eventually get tired of arguing, and things were just … More I’m Sorry…?
*by bridesmaid I mean supportive friend One of the problems with not showing my struggles is that after a while, everyone thinks I’m fine. There are a handful of friends and family who know I’m not. I put on a happy face, and I tell people everything is okay because I don’t like being a … More Always the bridesmaid* never the bride…?
Those stress headaches? The ones that seem to come out of nowhere? I’ve been dealing with those for months now. Work causes them. My “relationship” causes them. There is always stress. There is always anxiety. I think things are fixed, but then they go back to the way they were. I’ve tried everything. What else … More Why Must I Uproot?