I thought I was leaving the rut. I thought everything was going to be left behind. I was moving forward. Silly me. Official Note from XXX City. That’s what the envelope said. I was stupid enough to think it was a parking ticket I was unaware of. Of course it wasn’t. It was a reminder … More Backtracking.
I’m tired of everyone expecting me to fix my life instantly. I’m tired of people forcing me to feel something I can’t. I can’t please anyone. They want me happy. They want me angry. They want me sad. If I am one, I can’t be the other. They make me feel selfish and foolish for … More What do you want from me.
So, what is self care exactly? When do you do it? Do you only allow for self care after you’ve gone through a period of extremely hard work? That’s what I used to do. I wouldn’t allow myself a break or period of treating myself unless I achieved a specific level of success. That was … More Reward or Necessity?
I feel like a fool. I was that typical engaged girl. Showing off my ring. Documenting every wedding planning step. Pretending to be shy whenever anyone asked me about my engagement, but really I wanted to never stop talking about it. I’m sure I annoyed everyone who followed me on social media. Don’t lie. We’ve … More I did nothing wrong.
I had no clue if what I was doing was traditional. I didn’t really care. I was so excited at the first fitting for my wedding dress. I wasn’t wearing the store sample. I was wearing my dress. What did I do that might not be so traditional? I brought my dad along. He was … More Just a dress in a box.
The depression was hitting hard today. I couldn’t make it out of bad. I almost cancelled my Chinese lesson. The only reason I didn’t was because it’s a virtual class. I couldn’t do anything today. Barely had enough energy to write this. Couldn’t read. No appetite. Last night, I was thrown out again. I make … More New Lows…
Graduate school ends relationships. It’s a mentality that many hold. No, I haven’t searched for the statistics on how many relationships actually end because of graduate school. However, a quick google search will yield numerous articles and forums all along the lines of, “Did graduate school kill your relationship?” No, I’m not going into the … More I Didn’t Do Enough
And we are back to Monday. The depression was hitting hard today. I almost didn’t make it out of bed. There are days when all I want to do is sleep… days when I don’t see the point in getting up. I used to be really passionate about my life. I loved my life. I … More At what cost?
What a lovely Sunday. I got to sleep in and then heading to couple’s counseling to figure out what’s going on in my relationship. It was pretty helpful and forces us to talk about issues in a controlled setting. Now, I’m at a great little bakery and getting some writing done. I’m snacking on some … More So much food and so many books!
*by bridesmaid I mean supportive friend One of the problems with not showing my struggles is that after a while, everyone thinks I’m fine. There are a handful of friends and family who know I’m not. I put on a happy face, and I tell people everything is okay because I don’t like being a … More Always the bridesmaid* never the bride…?
