I write a lot about this breakup and abandonment because I see it relate so directly to how I feel about adoption. The same words were used. I had no say in the matter. The same phrases of comfort are given to me. This is a very tangible moment I can process and write about. … More Dodged one bullet, got hit by another
When an adoptee has the floor, do not derail the conversation to prove how woke you are. My name is Lillian飞岗 Schmaltz, and this is my story. October 15, 1994, I was born in Nanning, Guangxi. Approximately 3 days later, I was found at the local police station and brought to the Nanning Social Welfare … More Becoming AdopteeLilly
I’m not here to provide loopholes. I’m not spending my time answering questions that are so obviously used to gain permission to continue unhealthy behavior. I am not an enabler. I will have genuine conversations with you that challenge your beliefs. I may play devil’s advocate to force you into considering unknown perspectives. I’ll call … More Adopted kids grow up to be (outspoken) adult adoptees.
Something really gross happened this morning. In a comment, someone resorted to gaslighting and claimed my advocacy is the reason why no one is lining up to adopt from foster care–they’ll gladly wait years for that “blank-slate” newborn. I don’t have enough empathy. I’m too judgmental. For adopted people, there is almost always an element … More Gaslighting at its finest
An essay on secondary abandonment and valuing oneself. There they were. Those words that had dictated my entire life. I was so loved, I was abandoned. I was about to hit “order” on the invitation website. Save the dates had already been distributed. A wedding shower was thrown and the thank you cards were sent … More I love you so much I gave you up.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything other than a book review. As my 25th birthday approaches and I reflect on what 24 brought me, I decided to take some time to acknowledge what’s been going on and what I’ve learned. As you probably know from my previous blog, I successfully passed my … More Thoughts as I approach 25…
Stability used to be the most important thing to her. She would sacrifice other areas of her life if it meant she didn’t have to deal with change. She was still doing that. Even after everything. She wasn’t happy in life, but being stable was more important than being happy. She was gaining strength. She … More Stability.
As you know, I went on vacation last weekend. Except it was definitely the type of vacation where you are more tired after you get back. Friday finally came and I was so happy to be able to have a relaxing weekend. I have spent my time reading (although I am not too thrilled about … More Finally a Restful Weekend
5/5 stars This book has left me speechless. I thought I would be writing my longest review yet, but I cannot wrap my mind around how incredible this story is. What an outstanding book that fell into my lap at exactly the right time. This story is fast paced as it moved through 4 decades … More Ask Again, Yes
I walked out this morning and instead of being hit with the normal wall of hot, humid air, I felt a temperate breeze. Hopeful, I pulled open my weather app to see what the high was for today. Don’t fret. I was immediately crushed. Today, the high is 103 Fahrenheit and it “feels like” 108. … More Just another week