If you’ve been following my advocacy and not just my book reviews, then you know I share a lot of myself when talking about adoption. I share both old and new experiences in an effort to make other transracial adoptees feel less alone. I carefully curate what I share. Often, I share everything and then … More My Social Media Boundaries
For the last few months, I’ve been evaluating my time investment when it comes to advocacy. Sadly, with my PhD progressing and side projects in the works, making even just monthly videos is no longer sustainable. Behind the scenes, I spend my time answering questions and sharing parts of myself with people through DMs… all … More Advocacy Update !!!
Trigger Warning: Racist language used against Asians (used in a quote said to me) Invalidation comes in all forms. I experience it most often when my graphics and posts get shared and exposed to people who have never confronted complexities with adoption and race. “Won’t discredit her feelings, but I fear she’s had different experiences … More What’s Invalidation?
It’s December 30th, 2019 which means it’s time for a post full of self-reflection and cliches. I’ll start by acknowledging that I think this is the very first time I have posted a picture of myself here. What started as an anonymous blog has morphed into something I am proud to take ownership of… a … More Welcome to 2020
This applies to every day of the year, but since the holidays are approaching it seems like a perfect time to write about this. It’s so easy for people on the outside to say, “Oh you can suck it up for one day.” Frankly no, I cannot suck it up for one day. I hate … More Don’t Let Anyone Pick Your Battles For You
I write a lot about this breakup and abandonment because I see it relate so directly to how I feel about adoption. The same words were used. I had no say in the matter. The same phrases of comfort are given to me. This is a very tangible moment I can process and write about. … More Dodged one bullet, got hit by another
When an adoptee has the floor, do not derail the conversation to prove how woke you are. My name is Lillian飞岗 Schmaltz, and this is my story. October 15, 1994, I was born in Nanning, Guangxi. Approximately 3 days later, I was found at the local police station and brought to the Nanning Social Welfare … More Becoming AdopteeLilly
I’m not here to provide loopholes. I’m not spending my time answering questions that are so obviously used to gain permission to continue unhealthy behavior. I am not an enabler. I will have genuine conversations with you that challenge your beliefs. I may play devil’s advocate to force you into considering unknown perspectives. I’ll call … More Adopted kids grow up to be (outspoken) adult adoptees.
Something really gross happened this morning. In a comment, someone resorted to gaslighting and claimed my advocacy is the reason why no one is lining up to adopt from foster care–they’ll gladly wait years for that “blank-slate” newborn. I don’t have enough empathy. I’m too judgmental. For adopted people, there is almost always an element … More Gaslighting at its finest
An essay on secondary abandonment and valuing oneself. There they were. Those words that had dictated my entire life. I was so loved, I was abandoned. I was about to hit “order” on the invitation website. Save the dates had already been distributed. A wedding shower was thrown and the thank you cards were sent … More I love you so much I gave you up.