An essay on secondary abandonment and valuing oneself. There they were. Those words that had dictated my entire life. I was so loved, I was abandoned. I was about to hit “order” on the invitation website. Save the dates had already been distributed. A wedding shower was thrown and the thank you cards were sent … More I love you so much I gave you up.
As you know, I went on vacation last weekend. Except it was definitely the type of vacation where you are more tired after you get back. Friday finally came and I was so happy to be able to have a relaxing weekend. I have spent my time reading (although I am not too thrilled about … More Finally a Restful Weekend
I’m tired of everyone expecting me to fix my life instantly. I’m tired of people forcing me to feel something I can’t. I can’t please anyone. They want me happy. They want me angry. They want me sad. If I am one, I can’t be the other. They make me feel selfish and foolish for … More What do you want from me.
I feel like a fool. I was that typical engaged girl. Showing off my ring. Documenting every wedding planning step. Pretending to be shy whenever anyone asked me about my engagement, but really I wanted to never stop talking about it. I’m sure I annoyed everyone who followed me on social media. Don’t lie. We’ve … More I did nothing wrong.
The depression was hitting hard today. I couldn’t make it out of bad. I almost cancelled my Chinese lesson. The only reason I didn’t was because it’s a virtual class. I couldn’t do anything today. Barely had enough energy to write this. Couldn’t read. No appetite. Last night, I was thrown out again. I make … More New Lows…
Graduate school ends relationships. It’s a mentality that many hold. No, I haven’t searched for the statistics on how many relationships actually end because of graduate school. However, a quick google search will yield numerous articles and forums all along the lines of, “Did graduate school kill your relationship?” No, I’m not going into the … More I Didn’t Do Enough
Another day, another fight. It was just like all of the others. They fought for hours. It went around in circles. She thought they had moved onto another topic, but suddenly they were back at the beginning. The fights always ended the same too. They would eventually get tired of arguing, and things were just … More I’m Sorry…?
What a lovely Sunday. I got to sleep in and then heading to couple’s counseling to figure out what’s going on in my relationship. It was pretty helpful and forces us to talk about issues in a controlled setting. Now, I’m at a great little bakery and getting some writing done. I’m snacking on some … More So much food and so many books!
Those stress headaches? The ones that seem to come out of nowhere? I’ve been dealing with those for months now. Work causes them. My “relationship” causes them. There is always stress. There is always anxiety. I think things are fixed, but then they go back to the way they were. I’ve tried everything. What else … More Why Must I Uproot?
He continues to throw her away. He always comes back with apologies and promises that he won’t leave again. She accepts them. She knows it’s weak. She knows she should do better. She doesn’t know what’s wrong with her. Why can’t she just choose herself for once? It’s the same thing every time. She thinks … More He Snaps.